I FEEL EMBARRASSED OF MYSELF

...when I talk. Yeah.

You know, the worst people who judge you is yourself.

Like, I have this inner person that would always go  say " HAHAHAHAHA, YOU CALL THAT AWESOME. HAHAHAHA IT'S SO WEIRD AND RIDICULOUS AND FUNNY AND IT FAILS HAHAHA"


Yeaaaaaaah, I know. it sucks to have someone that is not another individual to go kill your determination and motivation. //sobs

I was rewatching my acapella of Egoselfish which is an audition for PsyChorus (I call it Psy for short because Psychomachia sounds too long for me to remember xD)  and I was listening to myself talking. And then I went all flushed just by hearing myself talking and go all flustered and go squeal at my embarrassment and yeah, lament on my speech of stuttering. I would be like, HOLYSHOOT WHY IS MY ACCENT SO FAKE AND WEIRD AND SO UGH, HOLY CHEESEBURGERS OF MERCY, WHY DO I SOUND SO NERVOUS AND WHY DO I KEEP REPEATING WORDS OMG I SOUND SO UGH SO OMG SO FAILLL.

Yep, in other words: freak out. In silence, of course. I wouldn't want to cause a commotion in my house and make all my family members check wtf is going on in the room.

And then when I watch my covers, I would be like, omg Ai-suu you suck at singing and mixing, look at all dese flaws. Look, you sound like you're running out of breath here, and look, you sound like you're dying here, look, you went off tune here, look you got off timing here, look, you had a voice crack here, look your screamo sounds like a baby crying out loud-- SHUT THE FECK UP.

ikr. Inner trolls.